A Eulogy: Who Was My Grandmother ...?

In Loving Memory of Rose Tavers
September 26th, 1902 --- January 5th, 1998
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A Eulogy:
Who Was My Grandmother ?

The exceptional woman whom we are here to lay to eternal rest today was much more than a grandmother to myself, my sister and cousins; much more than a parent to my father and aunts; much more than a friend to those whose lives she touched …

Having at least partly raised me - and all of her grandchildren for we loved spending as much time as possible at Grandma's - oftentimes she represented the role and offered the guidance and support of a mother, as well. She had the rare quality of always being much more than a relative; an open way of relating to us which also made her a best friend.

"Funeral For A Friend" / "Love Lies Bleeding"
by
Elton John

Known as "Rosie" to most who knew her, this special soul was one-in-a-million.

Even strangers would often stop as they were driving by her home - sometimes asking if they could come into her yard to view the gardens. She'd graciously assent, bringing them all around on a tour of her beautiful flower beds. Another interest of passersby was the historical significance of her home. She was very proud of the fact that the building had once been a two room school house, the very school which she had attended in her youth. Behind the house lies a large rock ledge. Evidently, in the days of the school, the children used to play there and there are many carvings of names in the rock which endure to this day. For as long as she was physically able to, she kept all moss and weeds from encroaching on these carvings - with the same diligence as she had given to her many gardens and all else in life.

Many of my deepest and most meaningful life experiences and memories were spent with her. She loved President and Mrs. Kennedy and the ideologies for which they stood: betterment of the quality of life for all. Although I had only just turned 5 years old, I remember her devastation at the moment when the tragic news came over the black and white TV from Dallas that fateful day. His picture still hangs on the wall, where she had placed it, right after his death.

This utmost caring and compassion was thematic throughout her life. Although she lived a very simple and humble life, she was always right there to help others.

She was perhaps one of the original suffragettes - strong and committed in her passion for life and in her dedication to the fair treatment of all people. Although not formally educated to any great degree, she was steeped in wisdom - and her sense of values was impeccable - beyond compare.

She never had much, economically, but she gave and gave at any opportunity to. She not only raised her own three children, but in addition to that she went overboard in providing love and support for all of her grandchildren, as well.

This terrific and exceptional woman - my grandmother - was one in a million.

She witnessed the days of the horse and buggy go out, pavement and automobiles come in, and people land on the moon and return to earth. She went door to door asking her neighboring Dighton residents to sign a Petition which finally brought electricity to their area. She made every attempt to fill any void in the lives of those around her, and to correct - or at least soften - any injustice which she witnessed. Long before so-called "feminism" swept America, my grandmother was a strong willed, independent, and activist woman - one from whose lineage I am very proud to have come.

Grandma was much more than a "housewife," also. She operated a fully functioning farm as well as completing housekeeping chores, while my Grandfather was at work with customary employment. She made all of the meals from "scratch," washed clothes by hand, she obtained water from the outdoor well. She endured the hardships of the Great Depression, weathered through floods and hurricanes, lived through the end of the era of whaling in the area and the decline of the local railroads.

I look back in pride when I remember - albeit only the final years of their doing so - that my grandparents were "farmers." Folks such as they were are close to the earth - "at one with nature" - which is something we all too infrequently encounter these days. They deeply respected our earth and fully acknowledged the life cycles which it offers us - its interconnectedness with our concepts of "God." In doing so, I believe that life had - perhaps - much deeper meaning then; that the folks of that time held much higher values and, in fact, lived by them daily.

Most of us tend to wax and wane between enjoying life and complaining about its negative points. My grandmother was never one of these people. I am hard pressed to remember any time when she was not in a good mood - laughing, smiling, joking and carefree. She loved life so that even in the final hours of her illness she clung to it tenaciously. We who loved her just wanted to see her finally find peace.

I so desperately wanted to be there for her, holding her hand, at her final moment. I missed this by five or ten minutes - my father called me and said she had passed away right as I was putting on my coat to leave. I became angry on the way down there. I swore aloud. I questioned God's decision. I hated myself for those several minutes driving down there - if only I had left a few minutes earlier. When I told my long-time friend and house mate about this afterward, he consoled me by saying, "she probably didn't want you to see those final moments." I then realized that he was undoubtedly right about this.

This is part of how my Grandmother was: she would always endure so that someone else would have to endure less in whatever it was they were going through.

Again, she was one-in-a-million.

Her eldest and firstborn child, my Aunt Stella, who had been with her daily over these past several difficult years, was with her. My father arrived a few short minutes after she passed on, and I a few minutes after that. Events seem to have been unfolding as my grandmother would have had them. It is perhaps as it should have been. I do wholeheartedly believe that she knew that we were all around her during those final days and hours. And it has all been as she would have had things - once she saw this to be, she finally could rest.

In certain ways, all of her family members and her friends - and the many others who have cared so much about her - including the genuinely compassionate nursing staff at the facility where she spent her final years - have been in mourning for several years now over the course of the acceleration of her illness. In this respect, her passing represents a finality and a closure to her trials here upon earth. Nevertheless, as her survivors, our only consolation is in knowing that she now is finally at peace. There is most assuredly a realm beyond this ordeal we call "life," this being only a stepping-stone to a far more beauteous place - with much deeper meaning and joyousness than we ever experience in "life."

My Grandmother, Rose Tavers, is most assuredly now a resident of this realm - a well deserving recipient of its endless rewards. It is certain that she far surpassed any and all expectations which God has of us - as mere human beings - and has, many times over, definitely earned her place in this eternal paradise of rest, peace, fulfilled desires and dreams, and unabated happiness.

I can now envision you, Grandma, smiling and ever jubilant, walking in the sunshine and with a warm breeze blowing through your hair - in an endless panoramic meadow of knee-deep wildflowers. God has touched your face and wiped away all tears. In one gentle stroke of His ever knowing Way, he has ended your discomfort and distress, which in life you always conquered and - for our benefit - hid from us so well.

In the hour at which you made your final passing from us, the look upon your face taught me the whole story: you are finally at rest and in complete peace. You are finally rewarded with a place which has no fear, no suffering, no cruelties nor injustices. A place far removed from the trials and tribulations of this thing which we call "life …"

As a child, you taught me about God and morality among many other things. You taught me the ways of wisdom, which at many times throughout my life have been an irreplaceable asset to me - an advantage often far beyond those of my peers - one which they did not share. Even in the sadness of your passing, you have taught me one last lesson: there is most certainly an afterlife of paradise. It was evident upon your face.

Although you had gone from us and my innate human tendency toward my own selfishness of how that made me feel had made me so angry with life on my way over there, when I saw you I knew that - despite how much we would all grieve - despite how we would all now have a hole in our hearts with someone so precious to us leaving us forever - God had indeed intervened at the moment when he'd felt it best to.

Wherever I may have lacked faith at times as we all saw you declining over these past years, I now have no doubts. So, in a very great sense, Grandma, you have even given to me in your very final moments something which no one could ever begin to count the value of: a renewed sense of faith.

I have always loved you very deeply - and I always will. The memories of you will be with me forever. I'm sure that they will be with all others whose lives you touched, as well. You can rest now. Your work here is finished. You have accomplished far more than is, I believe, ever expected of any of us - in our being only human.

We cannot say "good-bye" but can only say "so long …" for not only shall we meet again, but until then a part of your unique and precious spirit - rarely, if ever, encountered in others - remains in each and every one of us whose lives you have so deeply influenced.

When my own time comes - as it does and will for us all - whether it be tomorrow, next year, or fifty years from now, with every shred of the very fabric of my being I will still be able to say - with their utmost meaning - these words with which we now part as I and all of your other loved ones lay you to final rest:

"Blessed be forever, Grandma …" "I love you with all my heart and soul…"

Due to the warm, heartfelt and much appreciated interest that many people have shown - from around the nation, and indeed even a few people from other countries - I will be adding more relevant memories and experiences to this page in the near future ...

Thanks for all of the wonderful support which so many of you have shown in your email to me ...

Check back periodically for the updates ...

Last Updated: 07/20/2003 @ 11:11 pm est